


Midnight Everywhere

by lorij (Murphtastic)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gore, Violence, elements of non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-27
Updated: 2012-07-27
Packaged: 2017-11-10 20:58:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/470625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Murphtastic/pseuds/lorij
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He said he would come back....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Midnight Everywhere

"...you are deep six come to bear its midnight everywhere..."

\--Deep Six, Matthew Good Band

 

Black.

Dark, dark, dark. Comforting. Wrapping me up in a cool embrace. Whispery

fingers of dark flowing over my face, down my throat.

Dark.

Comforting.

But shh... No words. Words are like light. Cut through darkness and illuminate. Shh. No words. Quiet. Silent. Dark.

Fall into it. Fall and fall. Further and deeper. Let it wrap me up. Tighttighttight so nothing gets in, nothing gets out. No words. No light. Dark.

Safer this way. In darkness. Blackness. Nothing to see. Nothing there. Just darkness behind my eyelids.

We should have believed him.

He said he would get even. He said we'd be sorry. He said.

He did.

I didn't listen. We didn't listen. Why listen? Meant nothing at the time. All bark, no bite. Dark, though. Dark like the basement. Blackness so deep and lush. Never knowing if my eyes were open or closed.

He could see, I'm sure.

Did he watch? Did he sit in his chair night after night and stare at me through the black, black of the room? Smoking one cigarette after another, the brief flares of fire like beacons in the dark, and staring. Planning and plotting our deaths

Declaring love and disappearing when rejected. Threats and curses black like oil, black like his heart. Ignored because that's all we ever did anymore. Ignored and debased. Insulted and injured.

I laughed when she told me. Imagine someone like *him* loving someone like *her*. We all laughed when she told us how he ranted and raved about women. Laughed and had fun at his expense because who wanted to be in the dark then.

I won't open my eyes.

I won't.

I will not.

His eyes are blue. Grey when mad. Yellow when he feeds. Not black, though. Never black. I like black.

More and more with every passing second.

Black isn't red. Black isn't white.

It was supposed to be a surprise for my girl.

Him, gone for months. Never thought about. Never concerned with.

Just a drive down to L.A. in a car borrowed from a man I love like a father. A jewelry store. A ring. A lifetime to spend with her.

Detour to Cordelia to brag. Just fine without you, Cordy. Just fine. Love you still, but it's over and I've got her now. She makes me happy. She loves me like you never could or would. I love her so much.

Polite talk. Jarring news about Angel, but only for a second. Just something to report. Not my concern. Not anymore.

Late getting out of L.A. Quick phone call from a pay phone to let my lover know I would be late. Answering machine. Nothing to be concerned with. Meeting, maybe. Work.

Could've been anything.

Nightfall and back in Sunnydale. Back to a hell I've made my home. Made my peace with. Met the other half of my soul.

Whistling, parking in front of the store because the lights are on and that's where she must be. One last look at the ring. Only the best ring, chosen after months of searching. Only the best for her. Only the best for the rest of our lives.

Excited now, white knuckle grip on the satin box. Dark outside, but light and happy on the inside. Almost floating as I open the door and grin when the bell dings. Expecting to see happy, smiling faces aimed in my direction.

No one in the front of the store.

Maybe in the back. Shouldn't the door be locked if they're in the back.

Lock it myself and listen for the sound of their voices. Listen hard, knowing that my smile is fading with every second.

Research, maybe. Never a lot of talking during research.

Walking, walking, walking. Back of the store, still no people. Still no voices. Workout room, then. Idle flash of pride as I glance at the shelves I made. Good at something. A craft. A trade. Not useless after all.

Something's not right.

Blood. Smell of blood. Learned well and never forgotten. Why is there bloodsmell in the back of the shop?

Why...

****

Dark.

Silent but for the dripping.

Eyes shut tight.

Not going to look. Not going to see what's...left.

Tighttighttight. Shut tight. Don't look. Don't see.

Black. Stay in the black.

 

It's not the red of Anya's blood as it slowly leaks from her neck.

I don't know what happened to her head.

Stay in the black.

Black is safe. No emotions in the black. No shock. No horror. No absolute terror at being alone again.

Safe in the black.

Safer than the white of the bones that jut out of Giles' body at odd angles.

Don't look. Remember him as he used to be. Unbroken and alive.

Don't look at her. At Willow.

Don't look at Willow's head on Tara's body. Don't look at Tara's head on Willow's body.

Try not to think of which one had to watch the other die first.

Shut my eyes tight because I don't want to see anymore after I see her.

Buffy.

There's just...pieces

Shred of flesh here. Chip of bone there.

All arranged in a neat pile on top of which sits her hair. Blonde, golden. Untouched by blood or gore.

Don't look and save what sanity I have left.

Black.

Silent. Quiet. Comforting.

Never mind the tears. Never mind the hysteria that builds with every breath.

Eyes closed, head resting on my knees. Rocking back and forth but who cares?

Shh.

Black is safe. Black is nothingness.

Stay in the dark. Stay quiet and cold and pretend not to hear his voice.

"D'you like what I've done with the place? Thought it needed a bit of color."

Cold, cold hands on me. Touching me. Pulling at me.

"'S'matter, pet?"

Black. Think of black. No, don't touch me. Don't. Get away. Smell of death. Of blood.

Of them.

Hands lifting up my head, fingers forcing my eyes open.

Don't want to look. Please don't make me look.

Brilliant blue eyes. Slowly turning yellow, signaling my fate. "Told you I'd be back."

Fingers gone and eyes shut again. Black. Sink into the black and don't think.

"Too bad you weren't here earlier. Missed one hell of a show."

Picked up, tossed over a shoulder. Stay in the black. Don't think. Don't feel. Just be.

"But we'll just make our own show, eh?"

Dropped on a table. Round edge. Research table. Brings back happy times that invade the blackness.

Lying limp as he carefully arranges my body. Creak of leather as he straddles me and sits on my stomach.

"Look at me, Xander."

My eyes fly open.

Evil, evil everywhere. Don't let it catch you unprepared.

His face is inches from mine. Blood spattered. Little bits of *something* in his hair.

Can't get into the black with him here. Can't look away from those eyes.

"Got the chip taken care of, as you may or may not have guessed." Pause for a quick smirk. "It's still in there, just shorted out. Took me forfuckingever to figure it out. But I did." Grin this time. "Hurt like nobody's business, but here I am. Fresh from a bath in Slayer's blood and wondering what the hell to do with you."

Nononononononono.

"Quite refreshing, really. But you don't want to hear about that. Am I right? I watched you, you know. I watched you sit there for hours with your eyes shut so tight. Thought about maybe fucking you just to see if that would open your eyes. Would you like that, Xander? Me to fuck you?"

This isn't happening. A nightmare. One that I'll wake up from and Anya will be asleep next to me and this will all be gone.

"I was going to kill you slowly, but now that I see you like this. I'm going to do it fast. No time for you to remember what your friends used to look like that way."

No one to blame but ourselves. We forgot what he is. What he's always been. A soulless killer. A thief of life.

A bringer of death.

Blinding flash of pain and then the black is there again.

Dark again.

Quiet and silent like midnight.


End file.
